Top Five Ways To Host A Party Like It's Yo Job!!!

I love magazines (who doesn’t) but I hate clutter so I try as routinely as possible to go through my old magazines and remove any items I want to keep (for my Recipe, fashion and design books respectively) then discard the rest. Well I was flipping through a Bon Appetit on entertaining and read an article by The Foodist called My (Highly Debatable) Rules of Entertaining. So in light of my (I think) successful diner party this past week I thought I should write a list of my rules for entertaining:

1. You Are Only As Good As The Company You Keep. I’m not too big of a fan of mantras, the utterance of which does tend to suggest considerable time in support groups, or an overly enthusiastic amount of attention is paid to one’s self. However even I have a few. And one of them is “life it too short to eat bad food, drink bad wine, read bad books and hang out with people who suck” (yes I did just quote myself) I try to think of this simple phrase whenever I am in the diner-party planning stage. As a rule then only those who can contribute lively conversation and appreciate good eats can earn a seat at my table and by setting my quality of guest as high as I do, a delicious menu follows suit. It’s the least I can do for the guests who will inevitably make my evening a success. Plus passion follows passion; I love to surround myself with awesome people and therefore people I want to treat right. I should also note that adventurous eaters are nice, but not necessary; However, picky eaters will not be tolerated. No one wants to slave over an elaborate meal only to have one or more of their guests inform them that they cannot eat XY or Z because even though they have never had it “they don’t like it”.

2. Hire a Cruise Director: Everyone means well. Remember that when your pots are boiling over and there are now three apex markers in the kitchen where you are trying to keep the tasty in meal who’s delicious doesn’t materialize till the fourth quarter. Your friends love you! And to some of them, the idea that they are sitting by idly while you work your ass off over a hot stove makes them crazy. (for the record I am not one of those people and will keep planted on my fanny while you work). And as a practical matter, people are coming to the door, need to be greeted, want to thank you for inviting them etc etc. This is why I ask at least one of my friends to come about an hour early to help me prep. They have the important job of getting coats, ushering people out of my kitchen and beginning the boozing process (I have found that even the most helpful of friends desire to elevate your taxing chores is easily put in check with a stiff cocktail)

2.5: Hire a Cruise Director: This is also the code name I put in my notebook when I’m planning everything out for the cocktail I serve before dinner. It serves an invaluable social function (see above) as well as it wets the whistle and prepares the palette for the Armageddon of tasty it’s about to experience.

3. It’s Your Party: but please don’t cry even if you want to. It’s unbecoming. Do feel free to steer conversations, declare start and finish times and tell people when it’s time to quit hittin the sauce.

4. Write This Shit Down: I am basically a moron and cannot remember anything ever. So I always make a “plan” for my parties. I write down a slew of recipe ideas, note which are easy/hard/time consuming/ etc and then make my final decisions as to what to serve. From that I generate my grocery list. It seems simple but taking the two seconds to write this down helps insure nothing is forgotten, not purchased, etc.

5. Have Fun: if hosting parties stresses you out don’t do it! I always approach every function I host with the same attitude of utter relaxation: if things go wrong so what, if the dinner is crappy, whatevs. If someone has a shit fit or gets into a fight who cares. I took the time to surround myself with people who love to eat good food but they love me more and no matter what everyone is going to have something to talk about the next day, even if it is because my subpar cooking ended up forcefully pushed into someone elses face during post- hours devours fisticuffs. S’all good