Monday, March 28, 2011

The Spice of Life

This Campfire Sauce Does Not Taste Like Real Campfire Edition

First here is a Guide to Vinegar. I would have liked this guide/article more if they had actually given us a clue as to what to do with "regular" vinegar. I was intrigued by the argument that vinegar is as necessary a seasoning component as say salt and pepper, but ELABORATE damn it!!! It's like one of those come on's you see in the news:
"The thing in your house that could slowly be killing you as we speak! Story at 11"
Except here there is no story and all the Wall Street Journal has effectively told me is that my seasoning is deficient and WILL NEVER IMPROVE!! I apologize for the drama but this is part of, in my mind, a bigger problem with food writing in general. I sometimes feel like there is no media for a middle-of-the-road cook like myself. I have moved past Food Network's endless plethora of recipe shows, only occasionally need Ina, and am no where near Top Chef. So who is writing for me: the more then competent home cook who wants to push herself into more challenging territory, but maybe with a little help from any of the many channels devoted entirely to cooking. I sometimes feel like now that I have left the comfy world of smiling TV chefs, and have to leave the tribe with a match and a wooden spoon and can't come back until I've learned a thing or two (Moody reference...anyone? anyone?)

On the same note, I found a recipe from Top Chef that I HAVE to make. Banana-Leaf Wrapped Grouper Braised Pineapple with Conch Vinaigrette. When Mike Isabella announced it two weeks ago I was sitting there thinking...Damn I wish that was in my mouth right now!! The key issue here seems to be finding the ingredients so this may take me a while.

This was just an interesting article about something I know nothing about: plants

Also from Chow, here is an article about home-made dog food.. I have to admitt, even as a non-dog person who was just recently left alone with a dog at a friends house inspiring many paniced thoughts of "how do I not kill it?!", I think this women is being a damn diva. I often wonder if I will have this problem when I have kids. I plan to keep my kids on a relatively preservative-free (or more likely preservative sparse) diet like my parents did for me. This is mostly because in my experience, it is a lot easier to avoid preservatives, if you are like me, have never really had too many of them, and they upset your stomach. Much like other "do good for goodness sack" rationality failures, its hard to ignore the health risks of preservative latent food when it makes your insides feel like Egypt's political climate. Just saying. And I wonder if tis will be a problem when leaving them in the care of others, however briefly, and having to have that talk about how I know you think Kraft Mac n' Cheese is a part of every kids livelihood but if you feed my kid crap out a box, I'll cut you and put dried cheese powder in your wound!!!!!

Now I know dogs aren't kids, but this women is basically challenging her friends values (having a pet and not feeding it awful things I imagine they themselves don't eat) because it involves her doing (ewwww) work. I agreed with the request to maybe make some ahead and freeze it, but the sentiment is wrong. Dogs aren't kids! Fine. You will never see me treating them as such (again, not a dog person! I have actually searched the internet for dogs that act like cats should I ever end up with a dog person) but some people do feel that way and that is really their prerogative. I like my shoes more then most people: everyone's priority's are different. Plus, and I've been here, sometimes when you pet sit and feel like there is a more reasonable choice to be made regarding these sat-on pets, sometimes even for a more noble reason then your own laziness, guess what?! They are not your pets! Do what you are told and deal with it! Then go get your own dog an feed it kibble.

I am posting this advice column for two reasons:
One: I didn't know it existed
Two: I love the first question because it adheres to a ideal my parents firmly believed in: Children don't need to be pandered to. As a child I loved typically kiddie fair like Chucky Cheese (I should mention I have never been to one, however I did spend time at the comparable My Three Sons) however, my parents always felt that if you take kids to nice places, they learn to behave in those places. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but it bares repeating and I wanted to give this teacher props for having respect enough for his/her students to want to broaden their horizons and trust them to behave.

Dear NY Times: this is Amazing!!! It is a quick and dirty (and apartment friendly) guide to making homemade artisan articles like Kimchi.

And finally, a bit of advice on not leaving a tip. Why include this? Because I was out with some friends last night, and we had the worst service EVER! I mean this was bad. We were sitting for 20 minutes before our waitress served us. OK it's busy. Well she shows up and proceeds to tell us that she's sorry and it's not her fault because she has ADD and the hostess was supposed to tell her when she had a table and they didn't. So then, 5 minutes later, she takes our order: wraps, burgers, two waters with lemon and a diet coke. Well she shows up with two waters (without lemon) and a coke and informs us that the sodas will be free so if my two dinner mates would like to order one... (love it when things are comped that we DIDN"T ORDER) We ask for "Campfire Sauce" (which does not taste like campfire...I have a recipe in the works to rectify this). she returns 10 minutes later to ask if we want fries (sure! and CAMPFIRE SAUCE) she returns with fries. 10 more minutes pass. A nice young man arrives with our food and we ask him for the now very delayed sauce. We have it within the minute (come back waiter....we love you!!!) PS: we have no napkins. I'll mention that we are at Red Robin (yum!!) and NEED THEM. She runs by. We scream "CAN WE PLEASE HAVE NAPKINS?!" (Billy Mays anyone? anyone?) she says sure and after watching her have a lengthy discussion at the pick up counter with a fellow waiter (probably about how hard their job is) she returns 10 mins later as we finish our food (looking like sloppy 8 year olds with sauce on our faces) and informs us that it took so long because she had to open a new package (ahhh that explains it) she then sits down with us and tells us she is pregnant and her feet hurt (poor thing)

final verdict: almost comically bad service. So the dilemha becomes how bad does bad service have to be before you don't tip. As a policy matter I tend to start at 20%, demote to 15% for average service to midly bad service. However, this psycho got a dollar and I still think she was overpaid. I am resolved next time to do this (napkin, pen and general distain for your fellow man required).

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